The Doctor Is In: Doctor Who - 'The Doctor's Wife' Review

*insert grovelling usual apologies for puntasticly titled review here*

HOW GOOD WAS THAT, EH? THAT'S MORE LIKE IT, DOCTOR WHO. I'M GOING TO TURN OFF THE CAPS NOW. That's better. But yeah, how bloody good was that? And not a single reference to the wider story arcs or anything (except that prophecy, more on which later), just a great standalone episode. Stephen Thompson, take note. Actually, this episode has even dried up some of my rage towards that unfortunate individual because, sadly, we can't all be Neil Gaiman.

And that episode was vintage Gaiman from start to finish. From the opening with "Auntie", "Uncle" and "Nephew" and the "I just wish I could go in your place, Idris... Actually I don't because it's really going to hurt", I was reduced to a state of lip-biting, toe-clenching glee. For those of you unfamiliar with Neil Gaiman (and for anyone with access to a bookshop/library/e-reader, there's really no excuse if you are), this is what Gaiman does: fantasy writing with a very homespun British feel to it that often plays off a core of darkness and unnerving...ness. This is a very general description though, and his short stories are probably the best illustration of his versatility, spanning from whimsical ones like 'Chivalry', where an old lady finds the Holy Grail in a charity shop and Sir Galahad turns up on her doorstep to get it back, to ones that play with established tropes and characters like 'A Study in Emerald', which is a crossover between the worlds of Sherlock Holmes and H.P. Lovecraft and does some very clever things in managing your expectations to unnerving ones like 'Babycakes' (the title is almost literal) and downright scary ones like 'Closing Time', which I can't tell you too much about without spoiling it but you'll never look at a wendy house in the same way again.

He's also written several novels, including Stardust (of which an ok-ish film adaptation was made a few years ago), The Graveyard Book (based on The Jungle Book, but the protagonist is brought up in a graveyard instead of a jungle, somewhat obviously) and a collaboration with Terry Pratchett called Good Omens, which I would sincerely advise everyone to read at some point because it is genuinely one of the funniest, warmest, scariest, most uplifting books I have ever read. Amongst various things, it's about prophecies and the apocalypse and the 11-year-old antichrist and witchfinders and the four horsemen of the apocalypse (on motorbikes now) and mostly focuses on the unlikely friendship between a fussy earth-bound angel who runs a bookshop and a sarcastic demon who "did not fall so much as saunter vaguely downwards" and has a tendency to hiss when agitated. And it's probably getting a four-part television adaptation soon, so there is a god. One last Neil Gaiman plug, I swear: he also collaborated with the Jim Henson Company to make a film called MirrorMask, intended as a kind of spiritual successor to 80s cult classic Labyrinth (yes, the film with David Bowie's crotch in it) and I think it succeeds admirably. Again, very English (it stars Stephanie Leonidas, Rob Brydon and Gina McKee) but very strange, absolutely beautiful design and some very unnerving moments.

Basically, what I'm trying to get across here about Nail Gaiman (apart from the, by now obvious, fact that he's awesome) is that he's basically the perfect person to write for Doctor Who - with the proviso that he does standalone episodes only. Because it was very...well, Neil Gaiman-y. I don't what it is but everything that man touches is marked with his own peculiar Writing Pollen. This is by no means a criticism - Gaiman has, quite simply, one of the best imaginations writing today and it's an imagination that goes into strange and dark corners of the world. If we could have Gaiman to write all the one-off adventures and Moffat to keep the series storylines on track, I would be a happy woman. Perhaps what made it feel so different was the warmth and heart of the episode - something which, sadly, Moffat episodes (for all their fantastic twists and turns and pitch perfect one-liners) seem to lack occasionally. I always feel, when reading Gaiman, that no matter what corner of time and space he's occupying at that moment, he's still this boy who grew up in Croydon (no, seriously) and read comics.

Sorry. I'll talk about Doctor Who now. And I really have to talk about Suranne Jones' Idris/TARDIS first, don't I? A tough act to follow for any future guest stars (again, Hugh Bonneville, take note), sort of Queenie from Blackadder II crossed with Helena Bonham Carter (which I think was actually the character briefing for the Red Queen in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland film, but of that monumental disappointment, We Do Not Speak). To give the TARDIS human characterisation when she's always seemed to have a personality of sorts anyway could have been incredibly risky but I think Jones and Gaiman pulled it off with aplomb: capricious, naughty, haughty, vulnerable and very much in love with "her" Doctor. After all, the Doctor/TARDIS relationship predates every companion and the Smith/Jones (what is it with Doctor Who and Smiths and Joneses?) chemistry was excellent, a great reflection of this. I particularly liked the childlike joy and fear that seemed to infect the Doctor this episode; we don't often get to see him partnered with an entity even older and more complicated than he is and it seemed very appropriate that being able to converse with his time machine for the first time in 700 years would reduce him to a state of bright-eyed a-quiverment. Much like I was by this episode. The way the relationship switched from wariness to excitement to flirting to bickering to a display of extreme mutual appreciation and love was beautifully written and deftly executed and I salute all those involved. My favourite line was, of course, "Biting is excellent. It's like kissing, only there's a winner." Although all the references to calling the TARDIS "Sexy" were pretty - to borrow an internet neologism - for the win.

Essentially, this episode was a paean to everyone's favourite blue box. It's long been part of Whovian lore that the Doctor stole ("borrowed") the TARDIS and it's long been a favourite fan theory that the TARDIS takes the Doctor to trouble spots, rather than holiday resorts, no matter what he wants. We got closure and confirmation on both of these things and it was absolutely thrilling. I think part of it was that being told things about the Doctor is still a special treat. For a show called 'Doctor Who', we really don't get to know him all that well, a situation which is often exacerbated by the focus on the human companions because they're "us", they react how we would etc etc etc. I really loved the way the the focus was balanced in this episode, placing the Doctor right at the centre and focusing on his relationship with his past. Speaking of which, I'm willing to bet that throwaway line about 'The Corsair' being female in a few regenerations will have actually exploded a fair few internet message boards, blowing the lid off the "Will there ever be a female Doctor?" debate. My guess is that the answer is Yes, There Could Be But No, There Won't Be. I also love the literary referencing going on there: The Corsair was a poem by Byron, one of the clutch he wrote that crystallised the whole Byronic Hero thing, focusing on the adventures of a brooding rake rejected by society who went around bedding women dressed as men and men dressed women. The obvious conclusions to draw from this are that a) Gallifrey was very permissive society and b) Byron was a Time Lord.

But for all its grounding in Whovian mythology and Doctor/TARDIS shenanigans, the episode wouldn't have worked without the Ponds enduring a series of truly horrifying mind games in the bowels of the TARDIS. It was great to see Rory and Amy working on equal terms again, although they really, really must stop killing him off now. I'm sure it must be leading up to something bigger, although (as I've said in previous posts) I don't think it can be a permanent death for Rory because we just wouldn't believe it so...Amy dies? Perhaps in childbirth? RTD said he'd never kill off a companion but I wouldn't put it past Moffat. I think he forgets sometimes that he's writing a children's show. Anyway. Rory and Amy. I love that the TARDIS has a little crush on Rory, or possibly just completely different aesthetic standards ("Your chin is hilarious!") Plus Karen Gillan really dialled it up a notch this week in the acting stakes. No overblown shouting, no strident petulance, and some nice sobbing in those corridors. Actually, I just really liked the way Amy was written this week: in a position of fear and ignorance but still competent and trying to think her way out of the situation. That's how all companions should be. Including Rory. And he was. Nice.

The whole ending sequence, from Idris fading away to that great gag about the bunk-beds, was superb. "Hello, Doctor" has never sounded more heart-breaking. But we know all this. So let's just take a moment to think about that tasty little prophecy line, "The only water in the forest is the river." Of course, the question we're all asking ourselves is "river or River?" To which I would add, "forest or Forest of the Dead"? Forest of the Dead, being of course the library in which we first met River Song. Taken like this, it could be some kind of exhortation to the Doctor to trust River (and believe me, I would love it if River and the TARDIS were friends) but I actually sort of doubt it. I feel like it might be a red herring, much like the "He will knock four times" thing from Tennant's exit, where we all thought it was the Master and it was Wilf (well, it kind of was the Master so maybe that was more of a double bluff). I don't know though, the TARDIS said it was something he would "need" to know, so it could be way down the line and not to do with the series story arcs at all. Also just occurred to me if we're debating water sources here: River v. Pond? Some kind of choice? Ooh.

(Like a total idiot, it's also just struck me that if River is Amy's glow-y regenerating-y child, as per my mega-theory, then Rory is her dad, as I really don't think they'd introduce adultery into the show. It just puts that Rory/River conversation from The Impossible Astronaut into quite a nice, paternal light, that's all. Daw.)

All in all, I'd say that was a pretty flawless episode. Not quite as cinematic as we're used to but Doctor Who isn't cinema, it's bloody good TV. It was a tightly packed, beautifully designed, 45 minute feast of ideas and emotions and funny lines and it didn't need to tie into the series story arc to feel important. Satisfaction achieved. Next week looks like another 'too scary for the kids' week with something called The Gangers (off the top of my head but sourced from Wikipedia) and some creepy prosthetics. Goody. After this week, I'm expecting a natural drop in quality, something along the lines of the Silurians two-parter from last series (good but not great) but you never know, it could turn out to be a Human Nature/Family of Blood (way up there in my top five episodes). Either way, my faith in Doctor Who is restored. Neil Gaiman, please come back soon.